70 - I Want It All

“It’s good that they don’t have actual proof,” Jon replied to the recap of Scott’s visit with Cassidy.  “Can’t we get her out on that?”

Fortunately, he didn’t have to worry about being overheard because the understated yet elegant waiting room at the therapist’s office was deserted.   The appointment time was in less than five minutes, but when the lawyer’s number had popped up on his phone, it had taken priority over marriage counseling.  The irony was not lost on him and he speculated that it would speak volumes to the woman about to pick his brain. 

“Unfortunately, no.  Like I told her, the judge considers her a flight risk.  She’s stuck in the county lock-up until somebody finds the guy who signed the will.”

Jon stifled a huff of annoyance and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and bowing his head.  David had promised to have something by three this afternoon, no matter what it took, and Jon knew he could count on his friend – as long as the Bar Association didn’t throw a fucking monkey-wrench into the works again.

“I should have an update on Beasley in a couple of hours.  You got anything else for me?”

“Yes, actually.”  The man whom he’d only met once or twice coughed lightly.  “I have a hand-written message from Ms. Cassidy with instructions that it is for your eyes only.  I can Fed-Ex it if you’ll tell me which address to use.  You should have it in the morning.”

If there was a message from Cassidy identified as being “for his eyes only”, Federal Express might as well have been the Pony Express.  In the morning wasn’t soon enough. 

“What can you do to get it to me this afternoon?”

“Well…”  This guy didn’t know Jon very well, so he was being obviously cautious in how he spoke.  “Depending on your comfort level, I can scan and email it or catch the next flight out and deliver it myself.”

“Is it in a sealed envelope?”

“No, sir.”

If it wasn’t in a sealed envelope, Scott could open and read it whenever he pleased and no one would be the wiser.  He might as well open it for Jon’s benefit.  Besides, Jon paid this law firm a ridiculous amount of money every year and he was very sure they wanted to retain him as a client.  There would be no mishandling of information.

“Email.”

“You’ll have it within the hour,” he was assured, and the call was disconnected. 

The iPhone had just slipped into Jon’s jacket pocket when the inner door of the office opened and a mid-forties blonde stepped into the waiting room. 

“Jon?”

“Yeah.”  He rose to his feet with his hand extended. 

“I’m Madaline Jankowski,” she greeted and shook his hand with a demure smile that complemented her equally demure attire – dark slacks, a modest white blouse and black heels that were well-below Cassidy’s height standards.  “If you’d like to come in, we can get started.”

Might as well get this shit over with.

Taking her lead, he tagged along through the door and down a short hallway to an office that was a smaller version of the waiting room.  It shared similarly elegant furnishings but, in place of the individual leather side chairs of the waiting room, there was a dark leather love seat and armchair separated by a small round table. 

Jon sat in the center of the small sofa and peered through the floor-to-ceiling windows to the Manhattan sidewalk in front of the building while Madaline took the armchair, comfortably crossing her legs while propping a legal pad on her lap.  Smoothing a few golden hairs that had escaped the twisted knot at the nape of her neck, she folded both hands on the legal pad and gave him her full attention. 

“So, tell me why you’re here,” she invited in a voice that was probably intended to be soothing.

He, too, crossed his legs and fidgeted with the edge of one of the throw pillows that flanked him on either side.  “I understand that this is the precursor to marital counseling.”

“Among other things.”  Her quick smile revealed small, even teeth that could do with a whitening treatment, but she wasn’t unattractive.  “I like to get to know my marital patients as individuals prior to helping them work through their difficulties as a couple.  I find that it helps me understand the motivation for their actions.”

Great for her, but he still had no idea of how to explain his presence here.  Did he really have to?

“Okay, so where do we start?”

“Let’s start with something easy.  Give me three adjectives to describe yourself.”

God, he hated word games – of any sort – and he sure as hell didn’t sit around contemplating ways to describe himself. 

“I’m… impatient.”

“Good,” she nodded her encouragement.  “What else?  Don’t censor yourself.  Just the first things that come to mind.”

The first things that came to mind for this moment in time were “unhappy” and “lonely”, but he found those to be a little more than he wanted to reveal to this woman just yet.

“Lemme ask you a question first,” he negotiated.  “This stuff you and I talk about.  Are you planning to bring it up when I’m in here with my wife?”

“Not directly, no.  I may try to create an opening for you to broach a subject, but I won’t violate your confidentiality.  What she finds out is ultimately up to you.”

He had just found the key to cutting this “getting to know you” thing short.

“Alright, then.  Long story short.  I have the opportunity to buy a football team, and a divorce settlement would to screw over my ability to do so.  This counseling is one of my wife’s conditions for remaining married.  That’s why I’m here.”

Her eyes were thoughtful as she studied him without comment, but he didn’t shirk them.  Let her see whatever she wanted to see.  He’d already given her the bottom line.

“Your honesty will make our time together much more productive, so thank you.”  A few quick strokes of her pen made some enigmatic note that he would likely never see.  “If this football team weren’t a consideration, would you still want to maintain the marriage?”

Jon’s eyes flicked to the window and then back.  “Ideally, I would like my children to have the security of an unbroken family.  If it were just the two of us, though…?  No.”

“Why?”

Because I’ve been reminded what it’s like to truly be happy.

While in the midst of coming up with a more tactful way to say that, Jon was interrupted by a distinctive chirping from his pocket. 

Cassidy’s message.

“Excuse me,” he apologized while extracting the phone.  “I’m expecting something important, so I need to check this.”

He flipped open the cover as she murmured her consent and saw that the notification was an email from S. DiVotollo. 

“This is what I was waiting for.  I’ll be a quick minute.” 

Jon to swiped and tapped until the scanned attachment filled his screen. 

Jon,

Being arrested was far more traumatic than I anticipated, even though I’d been half-expecting it for weeks.  It shook me up enough to realize that what we have can’t go on. 

This skulking around like criminals isn’t fair to anyone involved, and I’ve had enough of it to last a lifetime.  I should be able to openly love my life and the man in it and, since you’ve made your stance on the matter clear, there’s nowhere else for this to go. 

Seek your sanity in the Titans.  They’ll make you happy.

I’ll always remember you with love,

Dixie

“Do you mind if I ask who it’s from?” Madaline asked while Jon was still trying to digest what he’d read.

“Yes, I mind,” he bit out, forcefully jamming the offensive phone back into his pocket. 

Jail had obviously caused Cassidy lose her damn mind if she thought he was going to accept that bullshit as an end to their relationship.  She’d been fine with things two days ago.  A woman didn’t go from building castles in the clouds to ‘we can’t go on’ in that span of time – not without a compelling reason.

“I see.  Well, the reason I ask is that I saw more emotion in the few seconds you were reading that message than you’ve displayed since I met you.  I realize that was only fifteen minutes ago, but you learn to read people pretty quickly in my profession and you come across as the type who puts on a front for most people.  That person – whoever sent the message – has obviously seen behind that front, so I was curious.”

He and Cassidy didn’t have a long history together, but she’d seen parts of him that hadn’t been revealed to life-long friends.  More importantly, as unattractive as those parts were, she openly accepted them.

And now she’s supposedly done with you.

“She’s not my wife.”

Clear, non-judgmental eyes met his levelly.  “I assumed as much.”

He pushed an agitated hand through his hair, torn over what to say.  Would there be any benefit to telling this woman about Cassidy?  Was there anything she could possibly do to improve the situation? 

The answer was “no”, so he kept his mouth shut and held the list of people who knew about their true relationship to four – himself, Cassidy, Libby and David.  That, however, didn’t stop the brain picker from trying to pick his brain a little more.

“A person doesn’t reach your level of success without understanding the importance of priorities, Jon.  That being said, I’m sure you also understand how difficult establishing those priorities can sometimes be.  It’s not easy to choose what will be most beneficial in the long run over what’s merely an exciting and temporary diversion.”

Yes, he knew goddamn well about priorities.  His family was a priority.  His business was a priority.  His philanthropy was a priority.  His band was a priority.  His songwriting was a priority. 

At what point did his happiness deserve to become a priority?  And what would actually bring him true happiness?  Fulfilling his NFL dreams?  Or turning his life upside down to hold onto a woman he’d known less than three weeks?

“What’s the one thing that would make you truly happy, Madaline?”

Visibly surprised by the query, her eyebrows drew together in confusion.  “I’m sorry?”

“What would make you happy?” he repeated.  “Winning the lottery?  Having the perfect spouse?  Moving into the house you’ve always dreamed of?  What single thing could make you happy for the rest of your life?”

He watched her mull it over, and Jon didn’t know if she was trying to come up with an answer or a way to side-step the question.  It must have been the former because she did ultimately answer.

“I…  I guess if I had to choose just one thing, it would be love.  Everything else is an achievement, while love is a gift.”  Her pen scratched briefly on the notepad and she turned the tables on him, as he knew she would.  “What one thing would make you happy?”

Jon slowly shook his head, the corners of his mouth turning up in a thoughtful yet calculating smile.  “You see, Madaline, that’s the difference between you and me.  I’ve never settled for one thing.  I want it all.”

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